I was raised Catholic and regular Sunday mass was a given in my household growing up. Throughout college, I was still faithful, but did not attend mass unless I was at home. My husband and I were married in a Catholic church, raised our children Catholic, and always believed there was eternal life at the end of my life here on earth. So faith, was nothing new to me. As I grew older, my faith depended with experiences I had lived through.
When I was diagnosed with AML Leukemia in September 2008, it never occurred to me to ask "Why me, God?" as I was always taught that He had a higher plan for our lives and that we may not understand it right away, but in time, we might. My husband and I were also taught that everything happens for a reason. So be it....I had cancer.
Now others I know who are not as faithful or religious, DO ask "Why me?", immediately start making "deals" with God if he'll just get rid of the cancer or whatever disease or hardship they may be going through, or become so angry that such a devestating diagnosis be handed to them without any reason whatsoever. As my Dad always used to say, "sometimes it takes a 2 x 4 whacked upside your head" to see the light.
From the beginning of my recovery process, many friends and family would send inspirational books, messages, cards and letters to cheer me on...and began to believe I would survive this. They encouraged me with "Life is Good" products...because really, life WAS good....there are many people in this world who are so much worse off then I was. Think of amputees, people starving in third world countries, and homeless folks sleeping in cardboard boxes in our very own country. I knew...with a strong faith, and God on my side, that he would pull me through this. Or "carry me" as the well-known "Footprints" poem points out.
I prayed every morning and thanked the Lord for getting me through the night. I prayed every night and thanked him for the great support team and medical team that I had, and for getting me through the pain of the day. The phrase "If God brings you to it, He will get you through it" became a favorite saying of mine. I also became close friends with the hospital Chaplain...who visited me regularly for sometimes an hour at a time...and never excused herself because she had other patients to attend to. I read Psalms of Healing, and daily devotions that helped me understand that it is God's WILL to heal us. I prayed for strength. I even prayed for my past loved ones to come to me in my dreams and give me hope (many of them had passed from cancer). And one night they did! I had a vision of a cloud, all puffy and white amidst a beautiful blue sky. As my dream progressed, one by one, my Grandmother, Grandfather, Aunts, Uncles and friends who had passed before me showed up on this gorgeous cloud. Even my long-lost pets were there...each guiding me and speaking words of healing, support, love, and telling me everything would be ok. This may sound silly to those of you who have never believed in such messages, or even in Heaven. But it made an incredible impression on me that night...and I knew that with my faith, belief, and devotion to my God, I would beat cancer and SURVIVE. I truly believed it was not my time to go...that God had more plans for my life, work to be done, and a difference to make. And so it has come true....with the creation of www.cancerkaleidoscope.com and my passion to Relay for Life.
So, whether you have always had faith in a higher power, or have just begun your journey to know your God through an unfortunate diagnosis handed to you, I don't believe either one is stronger than another. The point is this, without faith...what CAN you believe in? What can you HOPE for? Without faith...you have nothing.
