Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Depression and Cancer

After my cancer treatments were over, I was plagued by depression. And I was in deep! Of course I was thrilled to come through the treatments ALIVE and with a good prognosis for being cured. However, extreme fatigue from treatments, and GVHD drugs from my bone marrow transplant, led to a very lethargic, pathetic "me." I had also gained about 55 pounds once I got my appetite back. My daily routine would be to get up at about 7:00 am, feed the cats, clean the litter box, take my meds, and sit down in my LazyBoy with a bit of breakfast. I'd get about 45 minutes into the Today Show and be gone....zzzzzzzzzzz. Perhaps the phone would ring and if it was someone I wanted to talk to (caller ID) I'd answer it. If not, the machine would pick up. Back to sleep I went. Zzzzzzzz.....I'd wake up for a little lunch and "Days of Our Lives" but I usually didn't make it through that either. Uh oh! It's now 3:30 and my husband would be home soon asking if I did anything today. Better shower and look like I DID do something. And the story continued for about 6-9 months.

I was depressed of course. I had left my "old" life in ND where I had a number of close friends, support system, etc. to be treated at the University Of Nebraksa Med Center in Omaha, NE. And once I was discharged from the hospital, the few friends I did have in Omaha, stopped coming to visit. Well, of course...I was doing well health wise, and they had their own lives to live. Moving boxes were left unpacked - waiting for my attention. My Mom was also living with cancer at the time...and her days were getting numbered...and she lived 1,500 miles away. My daughter had just gone off to college in Chicago, and my husband and sons both were at school all day. I had no energy to do anything. Grocery shopping was a major undertaking! I had no energy to cook meals...that's when my youngest son learned how to cook - out of necessity I might add My husband was getting angry....why couldn't I just clean 1 room of the house a day? You sat around all day and still have no energy? Why are you sleeping 14-18 hours a day? I could put up a good front when I had to but once the dinner date, relative's visit was over....back I slumped into deep despair. Then my Mom passed away. And I reeled down the spiral again. I hated it...but just simply couldn't get out of the funk. Our once happy marriage was sinking fast, too. Even the kids noticed how my husband was becoming increasingly frustrated with my non-behavior. I honestly don't know what snapped me out of it. But I slowly began to come back from the dead...and today my "new" normal is way better than my old!

I have been in long-term treatment for depression twice since cancer....once on my own, and now with my husband. We are working on creating "our" new normal and displacing the anger and resentment we felt from the cancer OFF of me. I am happy to say, life hasn't been this happy in quite some time.

So what's my point? The point is this: Early diagnosis and treatment of depression is vital to your recovery! Treatment helps ease the symptoms, increase your quality of life, and most importantly, help you successfully participate in cancer treatment and become a "thriver" not just a survivor. The problem is that diagnosis of clinical depression in cancer patients is difficult. Is the fatigue or appetite loss is due to depression or to the side effects of treatment? It's not uncommon to feel a sense of loss, sadness, anxiety and withdrawal after first receiving a diagnosis of cancer. However, it's important to seek help if these feelings last longer than a few weeks and interfere with your usual functioning.

If you are in clinical depression, chances are someone out there is missing you....

For more information check out the following links:

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Watch this short video about cancer & depression:



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